Posts Tagged ‘feelings’

Colorful Personalities Excerpt: Relationships

May 31st, 2010
Here is another in a series of excerpts from the all-new Colorful Personalities book. This month’s section is from the relationship chapter:
If communication is one of the key factors for growth, it can also be a prime area of conflict when we tend to think, “I communicate really well, it’s just that my partner doesn’t.” How often do we want to be right, instead of happy, or choose to talk solely in the ways of our own Colors, instead of communicating in the ways our partner actually values and understands? Can doing the same thing over and over ever reach a different result?
Many times, seemingly simple communications with our partner of a different Color can quickly go off the rails. It may not seem like a big deal at the time, but like unraveling a sweater, hurt feelings linger, our partner withdraws, and the battle lines are drawn. Oranges may raise their voices in frustration, or make fun of something or someone. For Oranges, this is never a big deal and is quickly forgotten. However, with a Gold or Green partner, criticism in public (at work, with friends, or in front of their family) is often perceived as a personal attack.
Blues, the vast majority of whom are women, can feel frustrated, unheard, or unloved when their husbands (mostly Greens and Golds) are not very good mind readers.
These Gold and Green men are really adept at fixing and solving things. However, neither Color is likely to ever fully bridge the gap between the feelings-related, “if you loved me you would know…” and the logical, “what exactly do you want me to do?” (For more insights, The Colors of Relationship booklet includes worksheets on each Color’s common stresses with their partner to create a meaningful dialogue for all relationship combinations.)
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We Believe What We Want To

July 1st, 2009

Whatever our Colors, it appears that most of us do make many decisions based on feelings over facts.
A study by psychologist Dr. Drew Westen of Emory University found that any individual’s predisposition is, in fact, a perfect predictor of their final decision 84 percent of the time!

The vast majority of people, according to Dr. Westen’s study, make their decisions based on emotions much more than facts. Of course, politicians and advertisers have long known this (or think they know), but it now appears that this is much more on target than we may want to admit. His study also indicates that more often than not, we look to others who will agree with our predisposition, instead of honest feedback.

So it appears that no matter what amount of facts the average person is presented with, almost nothing will change their original position. It can also explain why perhaps we are often reluctant to change our positions on things, often until it becomes an absolute necessity. While Blues almost always make their decisions intuitively, perhaps the other Colors use the “Blue part” of their Colors much more than we may think. Of course, it probably isn’t necessary to point out, but Greens are likely exempt from this disposition.

©George Boelcke, CCP

Honoring Your Friends

April 1st, 2009

Orange friends: Be active with them and don’t slow them down. Be spontaneous, fun and not a drag. Stay optimistic and upbeat in conversations. Don’t ask them to do a lot of planning and details, but stay flexible and ready to spring into action. Recognize that they’re constantly busy and will not always stay on track.

Blue friends: Be receptive to longer conversations and share your feelings and thoughts. Praise their imagination and creativity and be aware they wear their heart on their sleeve. Actively listen to them without fixing, as they listen to you, spend quality time one-on-one with them and stay supportive.

Green friends: Be mindful of their need for independence and desire to think things through and consider all options. Be aware of their natural curiosity about life and give them things that challenge their problem-solving abilities. Respect their inventions and ideas and remember that they look for credibility and prefer much of their communication by e-mail.

Gold friends: Remember to stay on time and on track. Be dependable and loyal and make sure to be extra organized and efficient. Do what you say and return things you borrow promptly. Be aware that they have a close and small circle of friends, a definite line between work and personal life, and a strong sense of privacy. Keep conversations with them focused and to the point.

Inside the Media: Oranges and Blues Everywhere

February 1st, 2009

As I get to do a fair number of media interviews, I’ve been very blessed to meet a bunch of media people in front of the camera and microphone and behind the scenes.

Spend about five minutes in any studio or radio station and you’ll quickly notice that the vast numbers of people are Orange and Blue. Both Colors have great flexibility, a strength that’s crucial in the business, and both share a core need to work with (and help) people. Yes, there’s prep stuff…but both Colors can control how much they do, and being on-time is not optional. It’s why every Orange in the business won’t ever share the typical Orange value of “almost” on-time.

Here are a few stories where you’ll quickly see the persons’ Colors:

A popular radio gardening show host frequently runs over into the newscast breaks. The host has a very soft voice, is incredibly patient, and finds it impossible to cut someone off. He also takes every caller still on hold at the end of the show because he wants to help them, and reward them for their patience. When he recently shared he couldn’t respond to all his e-mails anymore, he seemed on the verge of tears, sharing he felt so bad that he was letting people down as a result.

Before a recent morning interview, I was visiting with the traffic lady at the station who seemed very sad and depressed. When I asked what was wrong, she admitted that she was really concerned about how people would get to work with all the congestion and accidents that morning…

Last year I was scheduled for a one-hour radio show on Colors with a friend of mine. But that day, the station had installed a new telephone and computer system. There wasn’t a soul who could figure it out. Her first words were “OK, this could be fun…” and she actually meant it!

No, the phones didn’t work after the first call, but she unplugged things a couple of times, press this, I wonder what this does, re-booted it, took a call on her cell phone and passed on the question and NEVER got stressed. I don’t mean didn’t let it show – I mean did NOT let it affect her, her tone of voice, demeanor or show.

After my segment, the next guest didn’t show. No problem. She went onto a web site and started talking for 15 minutes on an upcoming theatre production with zero notice, no hesitation, stumbles, or anyone listening having a clue that none of her planned segment was coming together. Whatever the industry or job, that takes talent and you can count on any Orange pulling it off.

This Month on TV: A&E Parking Wars

November 1st, 2008

Yes, another reality show, but it’s worth watching once. Filmed in Philadelphia, the show follows a bunch of different Parking Authority staff at work. It was actually my high Blue brother who told me to watch the show, but it came with the Blue warning that “it’s pretty intense.”

Meet Brian, who introduced himself by saying: “I used to have a desk job. Now I’m out here (writing parking tickets) and I feel great – like a free-range chicken!” But also points out a number of times that he never “confuses kindness with weakness.” It’s pretty easy to tell high Orange Brian loves his job. “I’m just showing too much love out here (letting some off with warnings), but it’s like the falcon and the chicken…and I’m the falcon!”

Ah, the power of the ticket book, freedom to be outside all day, talk to tons of people, and Brian really enjoys the verbal abuse when the owner of the car shows up. An Orange lady was actually stunned that she was getting a ticket for double parking. But Brian was laughing, “another satisfied customer. It’s not their fault they’re getting a ticket. It’s my fault that I happen to be on the same block to catch it! She’s upset? I’m upset that I had to do the work to write the ticket. Oh well, she’s got $51 dollars worth of love.”

One of the tow truck drivers is Clarence, who also moonlights as a wedding photographer. When Clarence is sent to tow a ticketed van, the owner of the vehicle came out of the office building just as Clarence was lifting his vehicle.

Very calmly, the van owner explains that he was taking some tools into the building and it’s so hard to find a spot – then looks down. Busted! Without trying, he got to high Blue Clarence, who phones into the office to get the OK to release it back to the man. And what did Clarence actually say? “Sorry about that – you have a good day.”

He felt even worse on the next call. “On my car I’ve got over $900 worth of tickets, why are you towing my sister’s car after only three? Clarence feels terrible and tells the camera: “My compassion comes from situations…”

Myers-Briggs Prayer

November 1st, 2008

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) very much correlates to Colors, but adds a couple of dimensions and includes introvert (the “I” of the first letter) and extrovert (the “E” of the first letter). This MBTI prayer has been around for years and you’ll certainly find your Colors in it:

ISTJ: Lord, help me begin relaxing about little details tomorrow at 11:41:32 A.M.

ISFJ: help me be more laid back, and help me do it exactly right!

INFJ: help me not be a perfectionist (did I spell that correctly?)

INTJ: keep me open to others’ ideas WRONG though they may be!

ISTP: help me consider people’s feelings even if most of them are hypersensitive!

ISFP: help me to stand up for my RIGHTS! (If you don’t mind my asking)

INFP: help me to finish everything I star…

INTP: help me be less independent, but let me do it my way.

ESTP: help me take responsibility for my own actions, even though they’re usually not my fault.

ESFP: help me take things more seriously; especially parties and dancing.

ENFP: help me keep my mind on one thi…LOOK, A BIRD!…ng at a time.

ENTP: help me follow established procedures today.  On second thought I’ll settle for a few minutes.

ESTJ: help me not to try running everything.  But if you need some help, just ask!

ESFJ: give me patience, and I mean RIGHT NOW!

ENFJ: help me do only what I can, and trust you for the rest.  Do you mind putting that in writing?

ENTJ: help me to slow downandnotrushthroughwhatIdoamen.