Home > 2008-05: May Newsletter > Let’s Make A Deal

Let’s Make A Deal

For Golds, being organized and having their world neat and tidy is not an option, but an important part of allowing them to relax and function. But lots of e-mails I receive are on the effects neat and organized (or not) can have on relationships.


A recent one was from a lady who just starts cleaning up her sisters’ house when she goes to visit. Golds value doing acts of service and it’s a way she is showing her sister that she loves her. But her sister doesn’t see it that way. It has become clear that she views it as interference. She is very resentful and feels quite judged when a visit isn’t a visit, but almost like the TV show Clean Sweep.


The last e-mail was even stronger. It was from a lady (let’s call her Kim), whose mother will no longer visit her, or her grandkids, because she believes Kim’s home is way too messy. Ouch! Yes, Kim has a Gold score close to zero, but also has two young kids and a full-time job. But whatever the reason, her Gold mother feels so uncomfortable at her place that she has stopped visiting.


Is drawing that line in the sand from a high Gold silly, stupid, overreacting or justified? Everyone’s answer will be different, but the need to have things neat and organized is as critical to Golds as some alone time for Greens, connecting with people for Blues, and fun and freedom for Oranges. Golds cannot relax or focus in chaos or a mess, whether that’s at home, work or anywhere else. So perhaps how you answer that question will give you some insights into how well you practice the power of Colors.


We don’t get to pick our family members. But everything in life is “let’s make a deal” to do more of what works and less of what doesn’t. Will some of these questions give you a different way of looking at these types of conflicts?


  • Does the other person have a point, or are they stuck in their judgments and being unreasonable?
  • Is cleaning up a little worth the effort to honor that person and have them visit?
  • When a Gold family member cleans up a little, do you know they’re showing you (not saying) that they love you and care about you? AND that it makes them feel valuable to be helping?
  • Is it an issue of wanting to be right instead of happy, with either you or the other person?
  • Can you visit her with the kids, instead of creating a fight when she comes over?
  • Do you know how happy a high Gold would be if you asked for help? But how would you feel?
  • With your knowledge of Colors, and your low Gold, are you using these tools to strengthen your relationships with other Colors, or just using it to “define” others?

Better yet, can you lend your family member a copy of the Colorful Personalities book to give him or her lots of insights into your Color’s strengths and joys versus the focus on the negatives and judgments? Family is everything. Most of us would readily spend $2,000 to grow all of our family relationships, wouldn’t we? Yet a $20 investment in the Colors book accomplishes most of that pretty easily.

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