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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Myers-Briggs Prayer

November 1st, 2008

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) very much correlates to Colors, but adds a couple of dimensions and includes introvert (the “I” of the first letter) and extrovert (the “E” of the first letter). This MBTI prayer has been around for years and you’ll certainly find your Colors in it:

ISTJ: Lord, help me begin relaxing about little details tomorrow at 11:41:32 A.M.

ISFJ: help me be more laid back, and help me do it exactly right!

INFJ: help me not be a perfectionist (did I spell that correctly?)

INTJ: keep me open to others’ ideas WRONG though they may be!

ISTP: help me consider people’s feelings even if most of them are hypersensitive!

ISFP: help me to stand up for my RIGHTS! (If you don’t mind my asking)

INFP: help me to finish everything I star…

INTP: help me be less independent, but let me do it my way.

ESTP: help me take responsibility for my own actions, even though they’re usually not my fault.

ESFP: help me take things more seriously; especially parties and dancing.

ENFP: help me keep my mind on one thi…LOOK, A BIRD!…ng at a time.

ENTP: help me follow established procedures today.  On second thought I’ll settle for a few minutes.

ESTJ: help me not to try running everything.  But if you need some help, just ask!

ESFJ: give me patience, and I mean RIGHT NOW!

ENFJ: help me do only what I can, and trust you for the rest.  Do you mind putting that in writing?

ENTJ: help me to slow downandnotrushthroughwhatIdoamen.

Walter’s Advice Column

May 1st, 2008

If you have a sense of humor, is this the reason most Greens (or perhaps men in general) shouldn’t write advice columns?

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror in one of my dresses and high-heel shoes. When I confronted him, he broke down, cried, and admitted that he’d been wearing my clothes for six months and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed. I love him very much, but he has become increasingly distant. I don’t feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sheila

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

Walter

The Green Quiz

December 1st, 2007

OK, you can only read this if you have a sense of humor! High Greens REALLY want you to know this! It’s important, so see how many of these you agree with:

  • Your boss is a little scared of you.
  • You don’t suffer fools at all – let alone gladly.
  • You know the difference between “infer” and “imply”, “borrow” and “lend”, “median” and “meridian”.
  • You chastise your co-workers when they say “how ironic” over something that isn’t truly ironic at all and your head explodes when they use the word “irregardless”.
  • You stand behind your partner while he/she’s typing a letter and correct his/her spelling, punctuation and spacing.
  • Your boss submits proposals and reports to YOU before sending them out to potential customers or management.
  • You know the proper contexts for there/their/they’re, hear/here, you’re/your, peace/piece, and other simple homophones (not homonyms, like drive and drive, or homographs, like bow and bow) like these.
  • You know the difference between a homonym, homograph, and homophone.
  • You know the difference between the British and American way of spelling various words, e.g. colour/color, cheque/check, and make sure you consistently use one set of rules, unlike most people who are clueless as to which is which.
  • You know how to spell “faux pas” and use it correctly in a sentence.
  • You know when to use “you and I” (“we”) and “you and me” (“us”), unlike the illiterates around you who believed the teacher that told them you must always use “you and I”.
  • During most newscasts you catch at least two or three grammatical or sentence structure errors and fight the urge to send the broadcaster an e-mail and really blast them.

How many statements do you agree with?

Score of 9-12:Congratulations, you’re high Green – see item 1! But right now you’re asking yourself why everybody wouldn’t score 9-12 here…

Score of 6-8: High Greens would concede you’ve got potential. Maybe one or two more night classes…

Score of 5 or less: You might be a little “green deficient”. Or more than likely, you started skimming the list with your brain screaming “who cares”?