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Posts Tagged ‘boundaries’

A Great E-Mail Question

March 1st, 2009

Hi George: Can you share some information on how we can adjust our lives using our insights of Colors? I am a Gold/Blue, a workaholic, and would like to learn strategies to learn how to place importance on ME and to set some healthy boundaries. Life is slipping by and I want to smell the roses, but find it hard to do. M.

Hey M: As you described so correctly, our second Color matters a lot! You’re another Gold workaholic and can’t say no. Gee – the former is totally Gold and the latter is a real challenge (doubly so) for most Gold/Blues. Blues want to be loved and included so they don’t say no, and Golds do things out of a sense of duty and responsibility.

But when the Gold “I have to do it,” or your Blue “they need me,” burns the candle at both ends it does NOT make you a brighter light. It just burns you out faster. For Golds, the more stress they have and the less “perfect” life is going, the more they work, thinking that doing “more” will make it better. Besides, it’s a great place to “hide” from life and facing other issues. It’s a safe place to be, they’re good at it, it’s a world Golds can control and it makes them invaluable…just before burning out, as they’re stressed to the max, snaps, gets sick, hardens the tone of their voice, become less flexible and more rigid.

So what’s really going on that you’re hiding from, avoiding or not wanting to change? What would happen if you said no and set some gentle boundaries? What do you feel you’d lose vs. what would you gain? Until the gain is bigger than the perceived loss, you won’t move. The pain has to be big enough to choose to act.

Isn’t part of the workaholic issue that the moment you get out the door you still have a to-do list managing your life? Can you have an entire day of nothing planned without feeling you’re being irresponsible? Can you take your great organizational skills and pass the buck without feeling you’re slouching off without feeling nobody else could do it, from filing at work to a cleaning person at home? And to start, can you change your stinkin thinkin from ways it can’t be done, changed or improved to actually thinking of how it IS possible and you deserve better? Are you worth it?

Orange Musicians

May 1st, 2008

While I don’t know if Bruce Springsteen is high Orange, I do know that his interview with 60 Minutes last winter had some great Orange comments and insights. It also showed some wonderful insights into the vast majority of musicians who are high Orange. Many of the well-known stars in the business have never taken a music lesson, or just some basic instruction while still in high school.

Oranges are much more interested (and learn way better) when picking up an instrument and seeing what they can do or create. They want to push the boundaries and try the impossible, without rules or being told they “have to” or “shouldn’t” do it a certain way. That’s freedom – and it’s part of the Orange definition of truly living, and not just in the music industry.

Shares Springsteen, on behalf of millions of high Orange kids: “I was probably one of the smartest kids in my class at the time. You wouldn’t have known it. Just because (of) where my intelligence lay, it wasn’t able to be tapped in that particular system. I didn’t know how to do it myself until music came along and opened me up, not just to the world of music, but to the world period… That engaged me in life and gave me a sense of purpose. What I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, the way I wanted to do it, what I thought I could accomplish…”

Springsteen relates the story of his struggles growing up, and that his father sure wasn’t keen, or very supportive, of his choice to become a musician (to put it mildly). “He wasn’t very proud of you,” stated 60 Minutes co-anchor Scott Pelly. “He was later,” responds Springsteen. “When I came home with the Oscar and I put it on the kitchen table he just looked at it and said: ‘Bruce, I’ll never tell anybody what to do, ever again.”

As kids or adults, Oranges hate being measured for attempts, which absolutely kills their drive to experiment. But they know that results always speak for themselves. Whether it’s Springsteen winning the Oscar, the Orange salesperson landing the big contract after months of negative feedback, or an Orange kid coming through in the class play, victory and success sure are sweet.

Yes, almost every high Orange will get to be very successful in something that interests them, holds their attention, or something they can win at. But until they reach that point, what are the judgments your Color has of the way Oranges do it? What does your Color want to “force” them to do, how much emphasis do you place on the “how to do it,” instead of the results? Are you supportive of the Orange dreams and the impossible goals, or do you filter them through the views of your Colors?

A Great E-Mail Question

March 1st, 2008

Hi George: Can you share some information on how we can adjust our lives using our insights of Colors? I am a Gold/Blue, a workaholic, and would like to learn strategies to learn how to place importance on ME and to set some healthy boundaries. Life is slipping by and I want to smell the roses, but find it hard to do. M.

 

Hey M: As you described so correctly, our second Color matters a lot! You’re another Gold workaholic and can’t say no. Gee – the former is totally Gold and the latter is a real challenge (doubly so) for most Gold/Blues. Blues want to be loved and included so they don’t say no, and Golds do things out of a sense of duty and responsibility.

But when the Gold “I have to do it,” or your Blue “they need me,” burns the candle at both ends it does NOT make you a brighter light. It just burns you out faster. For Golds, the more stress they have and the less “perfect” life is going, the more they work, thinking that doing “more” will make it better. Besides, it’s a great place to “hide” from life and facing other issues. It’s a safe place to be, they’re good at it, it’s a world Golds can control and it makes them invaluable…just before burning out, as they’re stressed to the max, snaps, gets sick, hardens the tone of their voice, become less flexible and more rigid.

So what’s really going on that you’re hiding from, avoiding or not wanting to change? What would happen if you said no and set some gentle boundaries? What do you feel you’d lose vs. what would you gain? Until the gain is bigger than the perceived loss, you won’t move. The pain has to be big enough to choose to act.

Isn’t part of the workaholic issue that the moment you get out the door you still have a to-do list managing your life? Can you have an entire day of nothing planned without feeling you’re being irresponsible? Can you take your great organizational skills and pass the buck without feeling you’re slouching off without feeling nobody else could do it, from filing at work to a cleaning person at home?  And to start, can you change your stinkin thinkin from ways it can’t be done, changed or improved to actually thinking of how it IS possible and you deserve better? Are you worth it?

The Blue Christian Personality

January 1st, 2008

“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus

to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Ephesians 2:10

If you are old enough to remember the Beatle’s song: ‘All you need is love,’ or the John Lennon song: ‘Imagine,’ you are well on the way to understanding the life of a Blue. They certainly live the beautiful Bible verse above in thought, word and deeds. Life is lived to the glory of God through helping others and connecting with them in real and meaningful ways. Blues thrive on volunteering in areas where they are making a difference in the lives of others and in creating an inclusive and loving environment of peace and harmony.

Blues are typically unselfish and have a great drive to lend a hand and to contribute to make a small difference in the lives of others. It is something they do with great passion and enthusiasm, especially if the cause or project focuses on people-first areas where they are able to serve others and develop relationships. Blues like to be valued for their unique contribution to a group, instead of being compared to others.

“Each one should test his own actions.

Then he can take pride in himself, without

comparing himself to somebody else.”

Galatians 6:4

Blues appreciate how blessed they are and always see the wonders and beauty of the world God has created. They see the good in every person and every situation because of their gifts of love, patience, caring, sharing and being an unwavering fighter for the underdog. This is not learned or something they think about, it is just part of their DNA that they draw strengths and build self-esteem in doing things with others, resulting in feeling included and involved. Every day, in almost every way, Blues really do practice God’s unconditional love for others.

Their drive to care for others and to feel cared about can often result in putting the needs and feelings of others ahead of their own wishes. This makes saying ‘no’ and setting boundaries two of the biggest challenges for Blues who are challenged in acknowledging their own needs and assuring they do take care of themselves. After all, Blues will always turn their spare time into time to spare for others.