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Posts Tagged ‘Blue relationships’

A Blue Threw Me Under the Bus

August 28th, 2017

Earlier this year, I went on a Panama Canal cruise with a Blue relative. One night at dinner in the French restaurant we ordered our usual escargot as an appetizer. After the first bite, I realized mine weren’t hot at all. That’s when I made my big mistake:

The maître de was at our table too quickly to say hello, and to ask how they were. I didn’t have a chance to ask my relative how his were, first. With the maître de standing right there, I had no choice but to tell him. He looked at my relative and naturally asked about his order. “Mine are fine, thanks” was his response. That elicited a confused look as he stated that that was strange since they were fired together.

Now I needed to make sure he didn’t think I was wrong. “Put your finger in them – they’re not hot – honest”…he didn’t. Was he questioning me? I know he didn’t think I was trying to avoid paying as it was a complementary dinner. Of course, he took them away with an apology, but I still had a strong feeling of guilt for some reason.

For the next two days, we saw this maître de working in some of the other ship’s restaurants and my relative chatted with him almost every time. Me? I got the polite smile but not the chit chat…

Three days later, we’re heading back to the same restaurant. On the way there, my relative announces: “I’m not having the escargot today, they were cold last time.” WHAT??? NOW YOU SAY SOMETHING?

It took a few seconds of feeling vindicated but confused before I realize what happened. At the time, in the moment, it was more important for a Blue to be nice, than to make waves. The relationship with me was ‘safe,’ but he didn’t know the maître de, and avoiding any conflict or hard feelings was more of a priority at the time.

Whether it’s with close friends, relatives, in a meeting at work, or a relationship, Blues avoid conflict at all cost. It’s not a planned-out conscious choice that Blues make. It’s just the knowledge that one relationship is safe while the other person doesn’t ‘have’ to like them. That applies to Blue kids telling you what happened in class while the teacher has no clue of the issues, just as much as a Blue partner laying all the work troubles on you at home while never saying a thing in the office.

How to Really Hurt a Blue

July 4th, 2017

Last year I sat in on the tail end of a workshop when the facilitator had a Green husband and Blue wife come up front. From what I could gather, they had issues in their relationship for some time. The facilitator asked them a couple of questions. Then, in frustration, she asked the Green guy: Do you even still love her?

It was three seconds of silence while he tilted his head, still had that very Green face, then answered “yes,” but more in the form of a question. His Blue wife just started crying and couldn’t stop for some time.

What happened? I wasn’t in the heat of the battle, and am pretty good at understanding Greens. If there had been a video, I would have loved to jump in and re-play that small ten second clip for both of them: His Green brain was still processing the last few questions, then this one was sprung on him: the implications, why the facilitator was asking such an obvious question, and where she was going with this line of questions with such an aggressive tone of voice… The three seconds that took was really quick – but only for this Green husband! If his Blue wife watched the replay without audio, she would have seen the love, hurt, and confusion in his eyes. Yet, in this pretty pressure packed situation, he still couldn’t get himself to just talk from the heart.

His Blue wife was horrified at the delay. Her perception was that he had to think about it “that long,” and then probably just lied. Blues are really good (or bad) at reading tone into something. That “yes?” did her in, and the tears started. An “of course” and a hug would have solved half their relationship issues. But that’s easier said than done in the heat of battle when this high Green stayed in ‘thinking mode’ to rationally want to solve his relationship issues versus talking from the heart.

Blues Would Rather Be Happy Than Right!

September 28th, 2015

For any high Blue, being happy is almost always the easy choice. It’s less about being right, and more about getting along. Blues also know that there is no such thing as a win-lose. Just because someone thinks they’ve won in an argument or got their way with a Blue – that doesn’t mean they’ve “won.” They’ve actually lost. Lost a little trust, a small part of the relationship has been eroded, and thing just won’t be the same. So Blues know it’s always a win-win or lose-lose.

In the ideal world of Blues, we would all get along, care about each other, and support each others’ dreams and hopes. We would work in a positive environment where people come before paperwork and we do our small part to make a difference in the life of others.
Blues find it difficult to be their positive selves when they know others are hurting, feeling left out, or needing help, or a shoulder to cry on.

Their own priorities will usually take a back seat to helping others. Most of the time, that’s a win-win and a great self-esteem builder. Whether that’s helping someone, the extra coaching, the five minutes listening to someone vent, and hundreds of other small ways. At other times, however, it can come at their expense and turns into a lose-lose. Now if they just had a partner or boss that understood….

Do Blues Have a Problem?

January 8th, 2015

There’s an old insurance industry slogan that’s also used in a powerful way by the Choices seminar (choicesseminars.com) that I keep talking about during the Colors seminars: Be Do Have – Be prepared to Do what it takes to Have what you want. We’ll leave the challenges the other three Colors have of not being prepared to do what it takes for another time…

For Blues, it can often be the ‘have’ part that isn’t working in their life. In the last few months, three Blues have shared that their relationships are dysfunctional, or quite one-sided, to put it mildly. They’re currently settling for ‘crumbs’ as one described it. They open their hearts, commit to the relationship way before a reasonable test drive, and jump in immediately, based on their intuition. Often logic would dictate to wait until he (since most Blues are women…) gets his crap together, gets a job, gets his old girlfriend out of his life, and dozens more examples… They’ll have the relationship, but is it worth having?

Blues are prepared to do what it takes to be included, to be liked, cared about, and often to be in a relationship. But are they often working on the wrong “Be Do?” Shouldn’t Blues start backwards with a clear definition of what “have” looks like? All that BE and Do just to have leftovers? How about changing the saying around for Blues: Be prepared to NOT do what it takes, until you define what it really is that you want to have and deserve.

Understanding Blue Intuition

April 1st, 2013

When shopping for a home, did you know that 70% of women knew they had found the right one on their first visit? Sure, there are lots of agents who have to show someone house after house. But what real estate agents don’t know is that these quick decisions are made by most Oranges and vast numbers of women who are Blue.

The purchasing decision from Blues is based first on their intuition. It’ll tell them whether the home they’re viewing feels like the right one. No, that won’t make the sale – it’s intuition – not stupidity (something tons of people confuse or forget). Once their intuitive decision is made, THEN they ask the logic questions of price, bus routes, square footage, etc. But that happens after their intuition gives them the green light. Now they commonly look for ways to validate that initial decision.

Real Estate agents, and most other sales staff, also don’t understand that the buying decision with Blues has a lot to do with them. Blues first need to trust that the sales person cares more about them than the sale! Without that, they’ll look, but they won’t buy from that person. Blues don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care! Remember that buying also means buying-in with your Blue friend, coworker, boss, kid, or anyone else. It isn’t just restricted to sales!

Love Hurts

June 7th, 2011

If you’re old enough you’ll remember that this was the title of a Nazareth song. But it might also be true in the literal sense of the meaning.

A recent study at Columbia University found that getting rejected can literally manifest itself as physical pain! Researchers showed volunteers pictures of ex-lovers after a breakup, while an MRI scanned their brain activity. The regions of the brain with significant activations were the same ones that are activated when we hold a very hot cup of coffee, or when we are under distress.

It isn’t the first study, and it won’t be the last, to find that intense rejection can result in physical pain issue or disorders. And it certainly points out how our emotional state impacts our body. That’s something Blues especially should learn and remember.

The “pain” we can all feel at times, has nothing to do with gender, as the study reported. And it certainly has nothing to do with a specific Color. It’s just that Golds, Greens, and Oranges will suppress it, crack a joke, ignore it, or work their way through it, rather than first dealing with healing.

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