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Posts Tagged ‘Blue feelings’

The Mind-Body Connection

September 4th, 2018

This was a story in Family Health, written by Dr. Robin Reesal, a professor of psychiatry. The story drew some great connections between what our mind experiences and how it manifests itself in our bodies. And yes, there is a proven connection.

First and foremost, it’s always critical to rule out any physical symptoms. But often there’s more to it – and the reason doctors often (should) ask what’s really going on in your life. In other words, what are some of the internal stressors that may be sending a distress signal to the body?

Of course, we often use denial to keep our emotions in check – but I believe strongly what the mind suppresses, the body expresses. And the more we ignore these signals, the early warning system of our body, the more likely it is that the body is left with no option but  to physically tell us (yell at us) that there’s trouble.

At least once a month I meet someone, usually a high Gold or Blue, who finds him or herself in exactly this position of starting to show physical symptoms of stress, hurt, anger, burnout or suppressed feelings of frustration. But it’s important to learn and practice a powerful saying coined by Thelma Box, who facilitates the Choices seminar I keep raving about: Feelings buried alive never die!

In the words of the article’s author, “We turn our emotional suffering into physical symptoms to avoid facing our troubles.” And that’s often after many people try sleeping pills or alcohol as an attempt to find a tool to relieve these stresses.

Four Short Insights

July 12th, 2018

I recently ran into a super high Orange buddy that I only get to see about once a year or so. I was standing at the back of a ballroom listening in on a seminar when she saw me on her way out the door. She had her phone out, gave me a quick hug, and asked if I’d be “right here” for a few more minutes until she got back? 45 minutes later – she wasn’t… How would your Color react? When I saw her next, she asked, very innocently, why I hadn’t waited? She absolutely didn’t recall the time-frame of getting side-tracked for 45 minutes!

My graphic design guy is as competent as he is Green. I recently needed to get my business card logo tweaked and sent him an e-mail to see what he could do when he had a chance. I didn’t hear back from him for weeks until I realized my mistake: Greens will always choose to work on something intricate, challenging, original, interesting, or complex. My small logo work was never going to make the list until I give him a deadline to get it done.

Twice in a month I ran into a high Blue staff member of a client. Both times it certainly seemed to me that she wasn’t being herself. Two e-mails later, the person finally e-mailed back and shared that two close friends had recently passed away. That was after a couple of “everything’s fine.” With Blues, you need to hear what they’re not saying! While Blues want to be heard and not fixed, it is OK to e-mail back some feedback that other Colors likely shouldn’t immediately do when you are meeting them in person.

A new Home Depot ad does a really great job of targeting high Golds: The TV ad has a man with a very conservative haircut shopping at Home Depot for his basement renovations. His line: “I’m not very good, but I want it done perfect.” The end of the ad shows his finished basement with huge clock above his fireplace and a framed flag on the wall. The quote, flag, clock and haircut might be staged, but they’re huge clues to a high Gold. If you know someone with a big clock in the kitchen or family room that isn’t high Gold, let me know – it’d be rare…

Or the slogan Lowe’s has been using in a number of commercials: “My to-do list is now a done list.”

From the Heart

November 6th, 2017

High Blues live life in their heart and through feelings. Blues also reach out to connect with people in ways that many not always seem obvious to others:

A couple of years ago, a high Blue friend needed to sign 7,000 fundraising letters as chairperson of a very large Christmas charity. Any Green would have found a software program that can pre-sign these letters, while Golds would want to add the personal signature, but get it done in one night and quickly off their to-do list. There’s a good chance an Orange would get a stamp, or ask the office staff to “just sign it for me.”

Not a high Blue. After a week, she proudly announced that a couple hundred letters were already signed. Another week later, 400 more were done and it seemed to be a never-ending project. But then I received my letter. The “Dear Mr. Boelcke” was crossed out and replaced by my first name, along with a personal note written on the bottom. Well of course it was – we’re friends. But then I asked this high Blue how many letters had a little personal note written on them? “All of them,” she replied. After all, it wasn’t just about signing the letters; it was about putting a little piece of her heart into every letter, with her personal touch.

Was this a waste of time, or an awesome Blue trait? No matter what you may thing, this is a real life example of a Blue. The next time a high Blue sends a card or special note you can be sure there is almost always a little something extra with it. It might be a sticker, something drawn on the envelope, an extra note, or something inserted. It is never just a card – it’s a high Blue connecting with you!

How to Really Hurt a Blue

July 4th, 2017

Last year I sat in on the tail end of a workshop when the facilitator had a Green husband and Blue wife come up front. From what I could gather, they had issues in their relationship for some time. The facilitator asked them a couple of questions. Then, in frustration, she asked the Green guy: Do you even still love her?

It was three seconds of silence while he tilted his head, still had that very Green face, then answered “yes,” but more in the form of a question. His Blue wife just started crying and couldn’t stop for some time.

What happened? I wasn’t in the heat of the battle, and am pretty good at understanding Greens. If there had been a video, I would have loved to jump in and re-play that small ten second clip for both of them: His Green brain was still processing the last few questions, then this one was sprung on him: the implications, why the facilitator was asking such an obvious question, and where she was going with this line of questions with such an aggressive tone of voice… The three seconds that took was really quick – but only for this Green husband! If his Blue wife watched the replay without audio, she would have seen the love, hurt, and confusion in his eyes. Yet, in this pretty pressure packed situation, he still couldn’t get himself to just talk from the heart.

His Blue wife was horrified at the delay. Her perception was that he had to think about it “that long,” and then probably just lied. Blues are really good (or bad) at reading tone into something. That “yes?” did her in, and the tears started. An “of course” and a hug would have solved half their relationship issues. But that’s easier said than done in the heat of battle when this high Green stayed in ‘thinking mode’ to rationally want to solve his relationship issues versus talking from the heart.

Choose Your Color

February 2nd, 2017

Your primary Color isn’t about to change anytime soon…or ever. But your behaviors can change all the time, depending on your circumstances, stress level, meeting, when you’re with a friend, your child, partner, parent, or coworker. Note that the key word here is “can.”

Don’t let your primary (first) Color take away the freedom to be the other three. It’ll make you a more well-rounded person! You’re always free to choose the Color of your behaviors. Just don’t ever say: I’m (this Color) so you have to… or that means I can’t…need you to…or whatever excuse you may have for staying stuck in the comfort zone of your primary Color. Here are the most common ones for each Color:

I’m Blue so you should be nice to me. No, I have to criticize you for something that went wrong yesterday. YOU need to differentiate between me not liking this specific thing versus not liking you.

I’m Orange, so I was late. No, you multi-tasked too much and are rude in having five people waiting to start a meeting.

I’m Green so I’m always sarcastic. No, you don’t have to be. You need to be aware that it’s not funny to lots of other people, especially when it’s a put-down sarcastic comment.

I’m Gold so it has to be done this way. No, there are lots of ways to get from here to ‘done.’  Your way is your way, but it’s not the only way, nor the way others can and do get there successfully.

Care enough to grow your knowledge and use of Colors:

-What’s your biggest excuse in hiding inside your first Color? If you can’t think of it, ask some friends or coworkers to be honest with you.

-Find a way to have your team do the Colors Advanced seminar

-Read the Colors at Work section about the dark side of your primary Color

Why Can’t My Blue Help?

April 13th, 2015

At least once every few months, a Blue lady emails me very hurt that someone she cares about seems to have shut down and shut her out. Her Blue wants to help heal the hurt and to be there for the other person.

Sorry – there’s very little they can do. Blues believe if someone cares about them, that person would want to talk it through, to have a shoulder to lean on, someone to talk it through with, and to be there for them. But guys, Colors aside, want to do something about it, and not talk it through. That would generally make them feel worse and not better and just build their frustration level. That really hurts a Blue person when they seem to get shut out. The constant thought that, if he cared about me, he’d talk it through with me, makes things worse and not better.
IF you’re a Blue in a relationship with an out of esteem other Color (see the Colorful Personalities book chapter) you need to make a decision: Put your life on hold or move on. If and/or when he has dealt with his problem, he may be back (depending on his Color). But, if so, it won’t be tomorrow afternoon – so you need to be prepared to wait it out on his schedule and not yours. He knows you’re there for him if he needs to talk…but he won’t.

That’s not only very difficult for a Blue to understand, but also to do. However, if you’ve been in that situation, you know that the more you push, the more resistance you’ll get, and the more distance comes between you and him. You need to stop hoping that he’ll turn into a Blue ‘wanna talk it all through’ person.