What Restaurant Chain Fits Your Color? Part III

August 28th, 2017

Blues: In-N-Out Burger (sadly for Canadians, it’s U.S. based only, but well worth finding)

People see you as being very communicative. But, to be honest, you’re also rather introverted, especially if you’re Blue/Gold or that rare Blue/Green. Because your personality is kind of a dichotomy in itself, this half-wrapped hamburger is kind of like you. It tastes great at first bite, but to fully enjoy the burger, you need to be patient. Once people can digest all you have to give, they’ll (likely) get to enjoy what you hide.

But Golds should come with you, too! One of the cleanest food establishments you’ll see – they even cruise the parking lot every half hour to clean up their neighborhood. The menu has around 10 items – that’s it. Like the life of Golds, it’s not a cluttered menu, nothing confusing, very streamlined, incredibly well-run process, organized ordering to let you just get the #1, 2, or 3. And watch a lot of the staff work and interact. I’d bet they hire a ton of Gold teens…

Greens: Chipotle

Life for you is all about being able to work with innovative possibilities and variables. In the Chipotle land of guac, everything is really about that: Being one step ahead of the curve, putting everything together, offering innovative solutions to everyone’s problems (food), and providing options and various combinations. The last customer may have invented a bowl of their own sofritas and sour cream, but you can absolutely invent something better by adding this or that…The freedom to experiment and create is endless.

Orange: Cheesecake Factory: Your ideas are so large, and you have so many that it’s hard to finish any one task. You’re smart, gregarious, and creative. But you pile on so many things that it’s hard to finish what you start. So why the Cheesecake Factory?  Because the portions are pretty large, and it’s likely you won’t get to half the plate there as well…    Adapted from Sophia Borghese, Ohio University MBTI story

Colors Tools for Christians Book: Paying It Forward

August 28th, 2017

Good afternoon George: We met at a one of your workshops quite a few years ago, and I was about to enter seminary then, and you graciously gave me a copy of your Colors Tools for the Christian book.

On Friday I began a couples’ retreat that I was hosting through our congregation.  And in that retreat I used that book as a tool to teach the couples about the joys of learning about our unique colors and how that shapes our experiences of relationships and Church and God.  Some of it just affirmed what they already knew about each other (all the couples had been married at least 10 years).  But it got really powerful when I divided them up to go through the color-oriented Bible verses you provide in the book.  For then they were quickly able to see which ones fit naturally for them, and which ones didn’t fit so naturally.  Earlier in the retreat they had been very good at affirming each other’s uniqueness.  But here as they realized some of their own challenges and how that affected their relationships, there were some light bulbs coming on as they realized that they were inadvertently pushing people away, or making them feel bad, or whatever.  I tried to help each couple see the opportunity to grow – either in respect for the differences or in appreciation of the different strengths each had.  That seemed to be a touching moment for them as they realized the room they both had to grow.

Each individual seemed to come away from the retreat with a new-found respect and appreciation for where his/her spouse and kids, and other family members were coming from and where he/she could grow to be more sensitive to our differences.

So thank-you for your work and for the resources you’ve created.  They continue to touch the lives of lots of people! Warmly, Rev. D.D.

A Blue Threw Me Under the Bus

August 28th, 2017

Earlier this year, I went on a Panama Canal cruise with a Blue relative. One night at dinner in the French restaurant we ordered our usual escargot as an appetizer. After the first bite, I realized mine weren’t hot at all. That’s when I made my big mistake:

The maître de was at our table too quickly to say hello, and to ask how they were. I didn’t have a chance to ask my relative how his were, first. With the maître de standing right there, I had no choice but to tell him. He looked at my relative and naturally asked about his order. “Mine are fine, thanks” was his response. That elicited a confused look as he stated that that was strange since they were fired together.

Now I needed to make sure he didn’t think I was wrong. “Put your finger in them – they’re not hot – honest”…he didn’t. Was he questioning me? I know he didn’t think I was trying to avoid paying as it was a complementary dinner. Of course, he took them away with an apology, but I still had a strong feeling of guilt for some reason.

For the next two days, we saw this maître de working in some of the other ship’s restaurants and my relative chatted with him almost every time. Me? I got the polite smile but not the chit chat…

Three days later, we’re heading back to the same restaurant. On the way there, my relative announces: “I’m not having the escargot today, they were cold last time.” WHAT??? NOW YOU SAY SOMETHING?

It took a few seconds of feeling vindicated but confused before I realize what happened. At the time, in the moment, it was more important for a Blue to be nice, than to make waves. The relationship with me was ‘safe,’ but he didn’t know the maître de, and avoiding any conflict or hard feelings was more of a priority at the time.

Whether it’s with close friends, relatives, in a meeting at work, or a relationship, Blues avoid conflict at all cost. It’s not a planned-out conscious choice that Blues make. It’s just the knowledge that one relationship is safe while the other person doesn’t ‘have’ to like them. That applies to Blue kids telling you what happened in class while the teacher has no clue of the issues, just as much as a Blue partner laying all the work troubles on you at home while never saying a thing in the office.

Confessions of a Hugaphobic

July 4th, 2017

Yes, that was the headline in the New York Times from reporter Kristi Gustafson. In her words: “A hug is not just a hug. It’s a full-body physical and emotional event. It elevates the hugger and hugged from stranger status to acquaintance. Some people are huggers. Others, like me, are not!”

Gustafson believes that being a non-hugger in a world of huggers is comparable to being a vegetarian at a pig roast – things get complicated. But a world of huggers? Nice try – it’s more likely we’re now in a world where physical touch, a hand on the shoulder, or a hug have become more and more rare. And that’s sad, since a genuine two-second hug connects us with others in powerful ways, something even Gustafson admits. But she also believes that others use it as a form of torture when they’re totally out of tune with her body language or allergy to a hug.

To her, it crosses a certain, but well-defined comfort line (in a bad way), but confesses that this self-described hugging issue also affects her relationships. Not in a way where it makes Gustafson any less caring or compassionate, just in a way that makes her quite uncomfortable.

Gustafson puts hugs into three categories:

  • Looking like you need comforting – even though it may just be the bad pizza someone had for lunch.
  • I did something wrong – in which case a hug won’t be enough anyway.
  • The other person wants something – even though there are more effective approaches


How to Really Hurt a Blue

July 4th, 2017

Last year I sat in on the tail end of a workshop when the facilitator had a Green husband and Blue wife come up front. From what I could gather, they had issues in their relationship for some time. The facilitator asked them a couple of questions. Then, in frustration, she asked the Green guy: Do you even still love her?

It was three seconds of silence while he tilted his head, still had that very Green face, then answered “yes,” but more in the form of a question. His Blue wife just started crying and couldn’t stop for some time.

What happened? I wasn’t in the heat of the battle, and am pretty good at understanding Greens. If there had been a video, I would have loved to jump in and re-play that small ten second clip for both of them: His Green brain was still processing the last few questions, then this one was sprung on him: the implications, why the facilitator was asking such an obvious question, and where she was going with this line of questions with such an aggressive tone of voice… The three seconds that took was really quick – but only for this Green husband! If his Blue wife watched the replay without audio, she would have seen the love, hurt, and confusion in his eyes. Yet, in this pretty pressure packed situation, he still couldn’t get himself to just talk from the heart.

His Blue wife was horrified at the delay. Her perception was that he had to think about it “that long,” and then probably just lied. Blues are really good (or bad) at reading tone into something. That “yes?” did her in, and the tears started. An “of course” and a hug would have solved half their relationship issues. But that’s easier said than done in the heat of battle when this high Green stayed in ‘thinking mode’ to rationally want to solve his relationship issues versus talking from the heart.

What Restaurant Chain Fits Your Color? Part III

July 4th, 2017

Oranges: Chili’s: This chain spends a ton of time and money on your television, spotify playlist, all over Facebook, Twitter, and other sites advertising their latest dishes and creative menu ideas. Similarly, you love promoting yourself and your successes. You go to networking events so that people can know about you, your ideas, and the energy you put into everything you do. You’re a perfect food destination match for each other.

Gold: The Keg: A well-known and established restaurant chain that’s efficiently run, and in business for 46 years.

No salad bar with overwhelming choices, that’s normally pretty messy from the last visitors, and forces you to get up and get your own food. A quiet atmosphere, quality food, well prepared, and you can even see the line cooks working.

Their menu tends to stay pretty consistent over the year – just like you: Why re-invent the wheel? It’ll give you the chance to mull over what you’ll order days before you actually go! That’s fun, consistent, efficient, and gives you two days of happy daydreams of what the night will be like. Get away from your hectic world of the never-ending to-do list for a couple of hours of tranquility and peace.

True, you don’t go there very often because of the prices, but it’s a great “investment” in a bi-annual get-away for a good quality steak and a couple of drinks. You’re worth it – it’s worth it. Sometimes you just have to step up and spend the money. If not, you’d just end up at Olive Garden and the never ending salad bar…    Adapted from Sophia Borghese, Ohio University MBTI story