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A Blue Threw Me Under the Bus

August 28th, 2017

Earlier this year, I went on a Panama Canal cruise with a Blue relative. One night at dinner in the French restaurant we ordered our usual escargot as an appetizer. After the first bite, I realized mine weren’t hot at all. That’s when I made my big mistake:

The maître de was at our table too quickly to say hello, and to ask how they were. I didn’t have a chance to ask my relative how his were, first. With the maître de standing right there, I had no choice but to tell him. He looked at my relative and naturally asked about his order. “Mine are fine, thanks” was his response. That elicited a confused look as he stated that that was strange since they were fired together.

Now I needed to make sure he didn’t think I was wrong. “Put your finger in them – they’re not hot – honest”…he didn’t. Was he questioning me? I know he didn’t think I was trying to avoid paying as it was a complementary dinner. Of course, he took them away with an apology, but I still had a strong feeling of guilt for some reason.

For the next two days, we saw this maître de working in some of the other ship’s restaurants and my relative chatted with him almost every time. Me? I got the polite smile but not the chit chat…

Three days later, we’re heading back to the same restaurant. On the way there, my relative announces: “I’m not having the escargot today, they were cold last time.” WHAT??? NOW YOU SAY SOMETHING?

It took a few seconds of feeling vindicated but confused before I realize what happened. At the time, in the moment, it was more important for a Blue to be nice, than to make waves. The relationship with me was ‘safe,’ but he didn’t know the maître de, and avoiding any conflict or hard feelings was more of a priority at the time.

Whether it’s with close friends, relatives, in a meeting at work, or a relationship, Blues avoid conflict at all cost. It’s not a planned-out conscious choice that Blues make. It’s just the knowledge that one relationship is safe while the other person doesn’t ‘have’ to like them. That applies to Blue kids telling you what happened in class while the teacher has no clue of the issues, just as much as a Blue partner laying all the work troubles on you at home while never saying a thing in the office.

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