Please Stop Selling Me!

January 7th, 2016

Selling is something each and every one of us does every day. You may not be in sales as such, but we sell our partner on what we want to do this weekend, our kids (non-Orange) on cleaning up there room (for a reason or a price), and our boss on a day off, or other issues. Using the tools of Colors in the ways we communicate has huge value in getting more of what we want, and doing less of what doesn’t work. (You can also change selling to managing, coaching, recruiting, etc…)

Recently, an Orange friend called me in total frustration. She needed a new heating and A/C system. A sales person came to her house, she told him that she was not an expert, her system had crapped out, and that she wanted a new one. Well, not so fast. The sales person was a high Green, and the Colors conflict started. The questions were endless as to what she needed, wanted, might consider, the house square footage, high efficiency benefits and drawbacks, and so on.

With every question my Orange friend was getting more impatient. In a number of different ways she kept telling the sales person that she just wanted the system, she trusted him, she didn’t know the specs, but that he could recommend what he felt was appropriate and it’d be a done deal. Nope – it wasn’t that simple. At that point, it was another 10 minutes of explaining various options, features, advantages, drawbacks, and so forth.

By now, my friends’ head was ready to explode, and her efforts turned to doing whatever she could just to get this sales person out of her house. It was the equivalent to quicksand, and she was stuck. She answered phone calls, started her car, and even tried to explain she really had to go! When the sales person finally did leave, her first call was to me, yelling into the phone: “I just wanted to buy the system. I just wanted to write a check and be done with it. But he wouldn’t let me!”

Greens are really gifted at teaching others. But that only applies if others want to learn. In this case, my friend had no interest in the inner working of a heating system. She just wanted to get it handled! Communicating, like selling, is not about you. It’s about the person you are dealing with, and more often than not, we over-talk, and over-sell. Be careful, and watch the clues to their Colors before you get going. Or in this case: Watch the waving check book, shut up, and get the order!


Where Blues Should Live

January 7th, 2016

Last, but definitely not least, here is where Blues might love to live:

Florence, Italy: With all the charm but less of the chaos of other Italian cities, Florence is an ideal fit for Blues. The quaint streets and comfortable neighborhoods allow for close-knit communities where Blues can establish deep connections with others and caring for each other. The family-oriented culture embraces these values whole-heartedly in a country steeped in artistic creativity.

Honolulu, Hawaii: OK, every Color wants to live here…but that’s because Blues make it such a special place. The city embodies tranquility and harmony. Blues value aesthetics, which makes the awe-inspiring backdrop of Honolulu a perfect spot for artistic Blues to find inspiration. The chance to build strong connections with loved ones makes the small and remote location of Hawaii ideal for Blues. Small enough to get to know a lot of locals, and almost always sunny – the Blue equivalent of being eternally positive…

San Francisco, CA: It’s a perfect Blue fit! The liberal values of San Francisco have been attracting Blues for a generation. Known for its more laid-back attitude and focus on taking care of the less fortunate, the city is a haven for exploring numerous avenues of self-expression and personal growth. The buzzing, vibrant city mirrors the attitude of effervescent Blues…and the awe-inspiring beauty of all those rainbows over the Golden Gate bridge…

…and a Blue bonus place: It’s not a city as such, but Disneyland (or Anaheim) would definitely be on the top five list for Blues. It’s the happy place…what else would you need to know? Oh, and add the class, culture, and artistic Paris to the Blue list, too…(Adapted from MBTI Heidi Priebe FB posting)

Green and Blue: Opposites Attract…But…

January 7th, 2016

Green and high Blue (that is, a Blue partner whose first or second Color is Blue) is a very common relationship combination. The vast majority of times, it’s a Green “he,” and a Blue “she”. So, for you Greens, here’s something to think about:

If your computer needs a bigger hard drive, I’d bet you’d have it bought and installed by the end of the day. Spending that $100 or so becomes a huge priority. OK, fair enough. What if you could upgrade the hard drive of your relationship with less effort and time than that? In your mind, rate your relationship with your high Blue partner on a scale of 1 to 10. OK, now think about how your partner would rate it. I’d bet if you were honest, your partner would rate it a little lower than your intellectual “rating decision.” Logically, everything may be terrific in your relationship, but for your Blue partner it’s not about logic, and they cannot tell their heart what to think.

-If only you have done Colors, it doesn’t help. You need to teach them Colors. Have your high Blue partner do the assessment and read the Blue chapter, then the Green chapter to understand you a little better. If nothing else, it will put words and explanations to what they already knew. (And send me a note to let you know the next Open seminar).

-Teach them the value of your one-hour of Green time, what you do, why you need it, and why it’s not optional. It’s not about anti-social or what they did to make you mad (one big reason why they’ll rate the relationship differently – they just don’t understand…)

-Two hugs a day. It won’t kill you, and you won’t even have to tell the Blues at work that you’re doing it, thinking you’ll lose your credibility…

-Let him or her (or make it yourself) have one call a day just to “say hello.” It’s a Blue hug by telephone to just hear your voice! No, it’s not logical. No, they really don’t have a reason to call. But suck it up and do it. It really matters to them. So stop the really common: What’s up – what do you need – why did you call…

-Once a week, “let them in” by sharing something genuine from your heart and feelings. Tell them something that scared you, that overwhelmed you, a hurtful comment, etc. Just make sure it’s honest and genuine. It doesn’t make you weak, and won’t turn you “Blue,” but you’d be amazed how your partner will feel more loved because of it.

Is it worth it? Only you can decide. Will it make a difference? Guaranteed. Does it make sense? Not at all. But do it anyway, because 100 hours of logical conversations won’t hold a candle to those simple steps.

A Colors Explanation Of the Election?

November 7th, 2015

This is NOT about politics – it’s only about Colors. I sent this to a relative two weeks before the Canadian election date, but many of you asked. It doesn’t explain everything, and should use the words “typically..sometimes…often…might…frequently…” throughout! I’d love it if you disagree. Just send me a note…please?

35% of Canadians are Gold. They’re dad drove a Chevy, so I drive one, they frequent the same restaurant, are great savers, and really conservative with money. It’s why tons of them generally vote Conservative (balanced budget, live on what you make, etc.)

Oranges are 20%. They have a lot of opinions, intend to vote, but then something comes up that day, or they show up at the polling station, see the long line, and often leave. It doesn’t help that Canada has almost no Orange politicians that connect with them in at least “telling it like it is.”

Greens are 14%. They’ll be very well informed, and do vote, but they aren’t a big enough group to make a significant impact. The exception would be Elizabeth May on Victoria Island, a magnet for a certain type of Greens.

Blues are 30% in Canada (about a third of that in the US). Most of them are female, and millions of them live in Ontario and control elections. They typically tend to vote social issues. That’s why we have universal health care, one year maternity leave, social programs, and many other things that do cost money and taxes but are priorities to Blues in “taking care of others.” (But a big conflict with Blue/Golds)

Green Prime Minister Harper can’t and hasn’t connected with them. They see Justin Trudeau as smiling, energetic, positive, “nice,” and talking a lot about social programs, unity, coming together, etc. That’s who they’re going to vote for. Nope, it’s not entirely logical, nor is it the only reason, but they will. In a conflict between spending on people or balanced budgets, they’ll be torn – but the “helping people” part typically wins out.

Studies show that scandals have a lifespan of six months tops before people don’t use it in their voting decision. The former Liberal nightmares were all 10 years ago. Studies also show over and over that people HATE negative ads. But they work. They just don’t work with most Blues, and that’s strike #80 or so against the PC party’s ad strategy.

Ontario (where millions of Blues live) last week became the highest indebted non-country in the world! Their debt is more than financial basket-case California, which has 10 times the population! Provincially and federally, voters have a very long track record of not making that a priority in their votes. In Ontario, the liberals will gain tons of seats, and that will be a wrap on the election….

In Quebec it’s the same. They have massively subsidized daycare, huge social programs, etc. that are killing the provincial finances. They may be worth it, or they may not be affordable, but it is what it is. That’s one big reason Quebec hasn’t voted Conservative since the 80s. There, it’s either NDP (in the last election), or Liberals this time.


Greens Might Want to Move to:

November 7th, 2015

Want to find a city that might totally fit your first Color? If you’re Green, it may be:

Silicon Valley, CA: Any must-move-to list has to start with this area for innovative Greens. The city thrives on intellectually stimulating environments that encourage both logical thinking and creativity. The huge quantity of tech companies and startups allow the Green inquisitive and project-focused Greens to thrive. There’s no shortage of brainpower here, which means Greens will never run out of new ideas…to develop…or pick apart…

Hong Kong, China: This city offers a diverse fusion of the Eastern and Western world with enough languages, diversity, and opportunity to keep Greens intellectually stimulated for a lifetime. Greens live to explore new avenues of thoughts and methods of experiencing life. This sprawling city is as diverse as the mind of any Green. The constant new opportunities to learn, progress and change matches the values of Greens in their ever-evolving existence.

Seattle, Washington: This is one of the most highly educated and literate cities in the US. The city offers a perfect fit for the cerebral Greens who are open-minded, yet guarded – curious, yet hesitant – private, yet deeply intrigued. Seattle fits Greens in being a very progressive city where the science and technology fields attract massive numbers of Greens. It gives them the ideal peer group (with credibility) with whom to share thoughts, ideas, and theories. As a bonus, the frequent gloomy weather drives people indoors, giving Greens the perfect excuse to focus on their work.

(Adapted from Heidi Priebe FB posting)

A Significant Gold Curse

September 28th, 2015

After a recent seminar, a Gold lady wanted to ask me why she felt like such a failure: “Sometimes I get so depressed with all the things I haven’t accomplished yet”. What? When she broke it down, her Gold stress was all based on a to-do list she first set for herself when she came to Canada a decade ago: Do this in five years, do this by year seven, get this done, then have this accomplished, and so on.

The scripting she did in the first few months is still depressing her to this day! It’s not just her, it’s almost every Gold scripting decades into the future for their kids, their careers, the money they’ve saved (or not) for retirement, getting their professional designation, upgrading, promotion, and a host of other issues.

The typical Gold black or white mindset, and fixed to do list, can make Golds feel like a failure and become depressing at times. It’s not likely they’ll share that with others, though. Golds tend to be very private, they believe it will probably make them sound like losers, others likely wouldn’t understand, and it’s not like they could do anything about it. So why verbalize it, if there’s nothing to be accomplished by it.

While it’s much easier said than done, it’s really important to stay in the moment. It takes some work, but you need to stop scripting so much so far ahead, in such vivid detail. Yes, you want to plan, but plan things that are within your control! That doesn’t include a lifetime roadmap for your kids and the likes!

The only people who can “make” a script come true are movie producers. They call “cut” and start over and over again until it’s to their liking. That’s not the real world where “stuff” happens! Be aware of what’s within your control to script, what is legitimate planning, and the (many) times when you’re setting yourself up for guaranteed failure! After all, you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge when the gift of planning turns to the curse of scripting.
Here is another example: Hi George. I have a girl working for me who heard from her mom that her grandpa had another heart attack. I asked why she wasn’t with him at the hospital? She told me her mom was at grandpas going through his photo collection getting ready for the funeral!! I said to her, but he hasn’t passed away yet?!?! And she replied no, but that her mom is a very “organized” lady and was getting case…. Is that not a somewhat scary definition of a high gold??? Yikes! ( btw, it’s been weeks and her grandpa is still hanging on!!) JB